I applied to renew my licence 3 months before I turned 70 but, after some correspondence regarding a minor and rare visual phenomenon I experience (which was impossible to report via the online application app) heard nothing for 10 weeks.
Phone calls resulted in recorded advice to use the online help - I didn't even get put in a queue.
Eventually, with my licence rapidly running out, I decided to try my luck with the DVLA's Virtual Assistant bot. Surely I could convince it to put me through to an actual person(!) ...and after 10 minutes I did!!! Success!!! ...until it crushed my elation.
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:36:58): Hello Michael, I'm DVLA's virtual assistant.
I can help with frequently asked questions.
You (19/07/2021, 10:38:52): I'm still waiting for my new licence after writing to you in May - case reference number 04218327. My 70th birthday is in 3 weeks and I will need my new licence
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:38:58): Here's what I've found relating to renewing your driving licence.
Please click one of the following options:
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:39:00): Menu Options:
Renew licence with a new photograph
Renew licence at 70 or older
Renew lorry/bus entitlement
Renew after disqualification/revocation
Renewing for medical reasons
Check the status/surrender
You (19/07/2021, 10:39:45): I just want to know the status of my application please
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:39:49): Please note: We are dealing with applications, but it will take longer than usual as we have fewer staff on site to comply with social distancing.
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:39:53): Can you confirm how you initially applied by clicking one of the following options:
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:39:54): Menu Options:
Over the phone
Online
By post
After passing my test
You (19/07/2021, 10:40:01): Online
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:40:09): Please confirm if you were required to send additional documents/an application completion form to the DVLA after you submitted your application online by clicking one of the following options:
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:40:10): Menu Options:
Yes
No
You (19/07/2021, 10:40:15): Yes
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:40:20): If you have submitted identity documents with your application they will be returned separately. These will normally arrive within 3 weeks of the licence.
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:40:22): There's no need to phone to chase up your application during this time as we're dealing with all paper applications as quickly as possible and in the order in which they're received
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:40:23): Please note: We are dealing with your application but it will take longer than usual as we have fewer staff on site to comply with social distancing.
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:40:27): Has this answered your enquiry? Please click one of the following options:
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:40:29): Menu Options:
Yes, thank you
It’s been more than 10 weeks
Shows Awaiting Return Form online
No, I require further assistance
Ask another question
You (19/07/2021, 10:41:26): No, I require further assistance
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:41:30): Please confirm if you are the licence holder by clicking one of the following options:
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:41:32): Menu Options:
Yes
No
You (19/07/2021, 10:41:35): Yes
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:41:39): I'll need to transfer you through to an advisor, please can you provide the following information. (Please type your response):
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:41:41): Can you please provide your Driving Licence Number:
(If not known, please type N/A).
You (19/07/2021, 10:42:34): XXXXXXXxx22
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:42:36): Your current full name (including any middle names):
You (19/07/2021, 10:42:57): Xxx Xxxxxx
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:43:00): Your previous full name (including any middle names).
If not applicable, please type N/A:
You (19/07/2021, 10:43:10): N/A
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:43:13): Your date of birth:
You (19/07/2021, 10:43:29): %/%/%%
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:43:31): Your current address in full (including postcode):
You (19/07/2021, 10:43:55): 29 Railway Cuttings, Cleethorp, SN23 6FG
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:43:57): Your previous address in full (including postcode):
If not applicable, please type N/A:
You (19/07/2021, 10:44:06): N/A
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:44:08): In a few brief words, please outline the nature of your enquiry:
You (19/07/2021, 10:46:16): I reported a minor visual anomaly when I applied. As it was impossible to describe this using your forms I wrote a letter to you, case reference number 04218327. I have heard nothing since May 29. What's happening about my new licence?
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:46:18): Are you currently classed as a critical worker in the nation's response to COVID-19?
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:46:20): Menu Options:
Yes, I am a critical worker
No, I am not a critical worker
You (19/07/2021, 10:46:23): No, I am not a critical worker
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:46:26): Chat Summary:
Licence Holder/Applicant: Yes
Driving Licence Number: XXXXXXxx 22
Current Full Name: Xxxxxxxx
Previous Full Name: N/A
Date of Birth: %/%/%%8/8/51
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:46:28): Current Full Address: 29 Railway Cuttings, Cleethorp, CL23 6FG
Previous Full Address: N/A
Critical Worker: No, I am not a critical worker
Enquiry: I reported a minor visual anomaly when I applied. As it was impossible to describe this using your forms I wrote a letter to you, case reference number 04218327. I have heard nothing since May 29. What's happening about my new licence?
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:46:30): Thank you, you’ve been added to a queue.
You will not receive any further messages until an advisor becomes available. There may be a short wait.
(Whoopeee!!!)
Please do not start typing until you're connected to an advisor as you may lose your position in the queue.
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:46:32): Due to the COVID-19 pandemic we are busier than usual and we apologise for any delay this has caused. We will answer your query as soon as possible.
Thanks for your patience.
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:46:34): I'm sorry, there are currently no advisors available as they're all busy at the moment. Please try again later.
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:46:38): Please click the 'End Chat' button in the top right hand corner of the screen to end the chat.
You (19/07/2021, 10:47:13): Fuck you for wasting my time, bot.
Virtual Assistant (19/07/2021, 10:47:16): Sorry, I don't understand that. In short, please try rephrasing your question.
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