Telltale signs that you're in lockdown:
- Instead of locking up on your way up to bed, you find yourself locking the front door at 2pm because you know nobody is going to call and nobody is going in or out for the rest of the day.
- The pigeon crap on your windscreen is still there from when you moved the car away from the tree back in December.
- You find yourself making flapjack, just to delay the appearance of yet another of C's lockdown lemon drizzle cakes. (I'm not saying they are not very tasty ...but there are other cake flavours!)
- The 'funny' videos being posted on your WhatsApp group that poke fun of people who get offended at racist, homophobic and sexist remarks are starting to wear a bit thin. (Q: At what point do anti-antiracist jokes become racist? A: 2 weeks into lockdown)
- You're actually thrilled to get a call from your mum's care home asking you to source and deliver more incontinence pants
- You regret binge watching all episodes of 'Staged', because now there's nothing to look forward to next week.
- Having sniffed your shirt, you decide it can be worn yet another day before going in the wash.
- The most exciting thing that happened last week is a toss-up between duck-taping a leaky down pipe and putting away the Christmas decorations
- You fantasise about machine-gunning the anti-vaxxers and Covid deniers who are hassling NHS staff outside hospitals. Actually, not just the ones outside hospitals...
- You realise that, of the last 10 books you've read, 8 of them are re-reads.
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