Busted!

 "Covid: Women on exercise trip 'surrounded by police'"- BBC News, 8 Jan 2021, https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-55560814 

"HANDS ON THE RAIL AND STEP AWAY FROM THE COFFEE CUPS!"

Initially we didn't know where the booming hailer was coming from. Then the sides of the nondescript barge we'd passed a couple of minutes earlier fell away and the sleek police launch hidden behind them roared into life. Almost simultaneously a military helicopter appeared overhead, its updraft blowing the hats off our heads and actually blasting the forsaken cups into the river.

Up until then it had been our normal morning walk over the suspension bridge, along the river, and back over the toll bridge and home. Half way over the suspension bridge we stopped briefly to look at the swans swimming below. The route had been oddly quiet so far; the handful of regular joggers and pram- and dog-walkers not around today. Only the faint buzz of an overhead drone to disturb the peace. 

Now pandemonium! The northern end of the suspension bridge was suddenly blocked by soldiers, bayonets fixed. A tank was lumbering down the road towards the southern end. There was no escape!

"But we've done nothing wrong!" said C, "It must be a mistake!"

I was not so sure. 

The helicopter withdrew a little and a very large gent in a police uniform, Armalite across his chest, emerged from the ranks of khaki and approached us. 

"Please keep your hands on the rail. By stopping on this bridge whilst equipped with materials appropriate for the construction of 'A Picnic' you have contravened Schedule 5 of the Health Protection (Coronavirus, Restrictions) (All Tiers) (England) Regulations, 2020. I am issuing each of you with a Fixed Penalty Notice of £200 payable today via this card machine."

"But officer, we just stopped to look at the swans!"

"What swans?"

(There was a sudden WHOOSH as a flame thrower directed from the launch engulfed the unsuspecting wildfowl. Three charred lumps began to drift downstream.) 

"I note that you are refusing to pay the Fixed Penalty Notice. I am therefore arresting you on suspicion of conspiring to contravene current Health Protection Regulations. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention, when questioned, something which you later rely on in court."

"You must be joking!"

"You are resisting arrest" and (into comms device in top jacket pocket:) "Handcuffs, please, now."

"Hang on!"

"Make that a taser crew"

"This isn't in the government guidelines!"

"Sedition! Bring plastic bullets!"

A 'Bleeep' from inside one of the officer's many pockets interrupted the proceedings. He pulled out a mobile phone. "Oh bugger. I've got to isolate for 10 days." He backed away from us.

'Cha-chink'. 'Zzzzzz'. 'Bing-bing'. One by one the soldiers reach into their pockets. One by one they retreated out of sight. The launch had gone; the tank withdrawn, the helicopter a distant whine.

C: He did keep 2 metres away, didn't he?