The tyranny of an immobile spouse

C broke her ankle and was more or less off her feet for two weeks and then doing minimal walking wearing a massive boot thing for the next 4 (prompting the nickname RoboRiv at work). She was off work for 3 weeks and then it was another 4 before she could manage the clutch pedal.

I didn't mind a bit looking after her (though she would dispute that), even the drives to and from Gedling 3 times a day during the time she wasn't driving.

The observations below were made in the first few days after her accident, I guess when the shock and pain was still quite acute.

1. C's prone position on the sofa means she can see right under the (very heavy) armchair. Her usual, brutally pragmatic, approach to housework ("We'll do it after the twins have been" or "There's no point, it'll need doing again at the weekend before our visitors come") seems to have given way to a novel and alarming fastidiousness.

I actually vacuumed yesterday, but omitted to move the chair, and she has spotted an offending collection of woollen fibres lurking underneath. I now find myself shuffling the wretched thing this way and that just to retrieve the elusive lump of fluff. The fluff appears to be telekinetically linked to the chair, so whichever way I jerk the chair, it follows. Eventually nailed it with much huffing and puffing.

(The fluff originates from the life form which shares our living room in the guise of woollen rugs, of which more later.)

2. I was tasked with retrieving item of clothing from the top bedroom. Have you ever had to find the "purple birdy one" on a wardrobe rail packed tightly with 40-50 jumpers, T-shirts and other tops?

I did a quick scan for purple: nothing.

I then went through the contents of each hanger one by one looking for birds: nothing.

I then went through them again, examining each one in detail for either (a) something remotely purple or (b) something avian in shape: nothing.

I was certain there was no top that was a non-spectral colour between red and blue, sporting an avian motif in the wardrobe. (WHY does she have so many, anyway?! And why wouldn't one of the others suffice?) I eventually had to give up.

Weeks later, when she made it up to the top bedroom and gloatingly waved said top in my face it wasn't even purple! And you almost needed a magnifying glass to see the birds!

3.The day after she was injured I blithely assumed she would be confined to the living room and downstairs toilet during the day, and innocently left 3 tea towels on the kitchen worktop. But she hopped in when I wasn't looking. The language!You'd think I'd trashed the place!

4. The last side effect of a broken ankle that I was expecting was an attack of grandiloquence. But the morning after the accident almost the first thing C said after waking up was "I've got cross-laterality pain syndrome". I think she was  referring to the injuries to her left wrist, right elbow, and left ankle - all causing insomnia problems, but where this phrase came from I have no idea. Thankfully she reverted to her normal speech after that.