Five men (and four women) in a boat (2)

We woke the next day to a cloudless sky and wasted no time in stoking the engine, casting off, and getting under way. Since we all had to be back at work on Monday we wanted to push as far into the unknown as possible before we had to return.

We took turns at the wheel and made good progress, there were no other vessels on the water and no trouble from the local fauna. (Didn't see a single croc or hippo.) In fact, although it was very noisy at the business end of the barge, you are so far from the engine at the front that you frequently would see wildlife such as kingfishers before it was scared off.

The crew, a somewhat motley assortment, mostly of chemistry and biochemistry graduates with a sprinkling of PhDs, got along reasonably well, I think. Although one member was notable for not smiling during the whole weekend.

We passed through the town of Burton-on-Trent without mishap and pressed on, mooring for the night near to the remote village of Alrewas.

The next morning we decided we should turn back, as the boat had to be returned before dark. Unfortunately we were facing the wrong way, and the canal being rather less in width than even half of our boat, utterly unable to turn around.

We did know that we had passed a place where the canal was wider, about half a mile behind us. We would have to reverse!

Now unless you've tried to reverse a narrow boat yourself, you are unlikely to realise that this represents what all the best managers would call "A Challenge". The rudder is at the back. It is there to control which way you go forward. It has no effect on which way you go backwards. You can put the engine in reverse, but this is mode is only meant for minute adjustments when mooring up . Steering in reverse is effing impossible.

On top of this there had been a sharp frost during the night and the water in the canal was covered with a thick layer of ice.

But we're information scientists! We're not going to be beaten!

We had one person leaning over the back of the boat with what we took to be a barge pole doing his best to smash the ice. (So that's what they're for!) Next to him was the bo'sun on the wheel (for what it was worth) also with a hand on the throttle, the purpose being to slow down every time we looked to be drifting towards the far bank.

One person was scouting ahead for under-ice hazards: tree trunks, supermarket trolleys etc. Someone was set to push the vessel away if it started ploughing into the bank.

The rest of the crew were walking along the bank holding ropes fore, aft and amidships, trying to keep the vessel going in a vaguely straight line.

Thank Christ there were no witnesses. Overall we resembled a bunch of hobbits ineffectually trying to control a rampaging oliphaunt whilst trying to stop it crapping on the carpet.

(Incidentally if any business is looking for a unique and highly effective team-building activity, please contact my agent.)

After an hour or so of this ungainly activity we arrived at the turning point and after that the return trip was a breeze. Pub lunch in Burton followed by a straight run back to Sawley, albeit in thick fog. We never repeated the experience.