Noisy neighbours

They moved in about 8 weeks ago, shortly after Easter.

At first it was just the odd amorous noises (get a room, for goodness sake) and mild banging about. But this progressed to collective crashing, offspring yelling for food, and what seemed like a removal company shifting furniture. And it starts at 5am, continuing through most of the day and into the evening.

But the empty wine and vodka bottles (and the estate agents sign) we found on the patio after a weekend away couldn't be pinned on these particular neighbours. Mainly because pigeons don't tend to lob bottles and other objects over garden walls. (And also because the culprits were ID'd by other neighbours.)


The ongoing disturbance came from part of our roof space to which there is no (human) access, adjacent to our bedroom. At first we thought oh they'll be gone in a week or two. But the beggars just kept coming back.

Early one morning I went outside to try to spot where the squatters were getting in. There was a pigeon on a neighbour's chimney stack but it had clearly clocked me because it wasn't going anywhere. After a few minutes I got into the car and peered through the side window, straining my neck to view the roof. But the cunning sod knew I was on a stake-out and just sat there to warn its mates should they come home. Without the obligatory takeaway coffee on the dashboard and partner to banter with I soon gave up.

Eventually a landscaper working next door all day said he'd seen them disappearing into the dark space just below the guttering where the front and side roofs meet.

This is an awkward place for them to get in and out of. To get in they have to aim at the dark space and hope for the best (hence the crashing). To exit they have to slide from the entrance hole down the roof onto the gutter whence they can take off (hence all the noise which is basically pigeon toenails on slate, though I'd swear there are sometimes dance sessions going on).

Far from leaving after they've reproduced they keep coming back, even though there are no cheep cheep noises any more. And now I read that they can produce 6 clutches of eggs in a year!

Frankly I've had enough and  I'm ready for the builder to come (when, oh when, will he give me the promised phone call???!!!) and brick the buggers in if necessary.

Their cousins, the wood pigeons in the birch tree adjacent to our house, have raised a family without any fuss whatsoever. They even punished the owner who left a car across our drive all night by crapping copiously on the bonnet. Result!